Running in circles

…

is stagnation in motion?

I’m finding myself completely incapable of focusing on anything today. My brain feels like a massive cyclone; hellbent on destroying, rather than processing, the overwhelming flood of information thrust my way. I feel like self destructing. Dizzy with confusion. Mourning sobs caught in my throat, stopping any other sounds from escaping.

Always something that’s just not quite right, something missing. Today it’s any sense of connectedness. Just floating along. I know I’d fall into my place if I’d just stop searching for it. It’s a tough call as to whether my expectations are entirely too high or if I even posses any expectations at all. I deserve nothing I desire.

The years I’ve pretended hadn’t passed are starting to catch up with me, I think.

No, nothing in this post is supposed to make sense to anyone else. I’m just feeling the overwhelming urge to cry out this morning. To someone. To anyone. But there’s no one.

Can’t help the melodrama. I’ve tried distracting myself with my work this morning, but it’s just not quite doing the job. Nor am I, heh.

It can’t always be this way.

 Heh, like any girl, when feeling down it’s best to go shopping. I just ordered myself a new ipod, I’m feeling slightly better already.